28 Weeks – Warts and All

FullSizeRender (10)

*Warning, this blog post may contain a bit of TMI but it’s all true and sometimes you’ve just got to share this stuff because lets face it, sharing it caring (or so I try to teach my children when I want some of their chips).*


I often get asked how this pregnancy compares to my previous singleton pregnancies, so far it’s been kind of the same minus the extra scans and the same repetitive questions from people (are they identical, do you know the sex, are there twins in your family etc etc) but OH MY GOD something has seriously shifted in the Hooper uterus because in the past week I have noticed some seriously weird goings on in there!

  • Firstly the movements, they still feel like a bag of dancing squirrels but both babies are breech at the moment and the kicks down onto my cervix and vagina are UNREAL! I swear the other night if I had examined myself internally I would have discovered 2 sets of wriggling feet in there (I know logically this is impossible but still) #fanydaggers
  • And whilst we’re on the subject of ‘down there’ let’s a just say it’s a good thing I can’t actually see it any more because by the end of the day I feel like I’m smuggling plums in my pants. I did in fact get my poor husband to have a check to make sure nothing more sinister is going on, he reassured me there wasn’t but did ask if I was ever going to wax again……
  • Which leads me onto the ‘to wax/or not wax question’. I’m not sure I want to expose that area unnecessarily and lets face it I’m not getting my bikini on ANY TIME soon maybe I’ll leave it au naturale, I always tell my women anyway that midwives don’t bat an eyelid
  • The feeling of two hard heads under my ribs is so uncomfortable. I’m no longer able to wear underwired bras, I’m living in this one at the moment and in all honestly I’m most likely to be found braless by 6pm by my husband when he gets home from work
  • I’m moisturising  my bump like a crazy lady with Bio Oil but my skin this week feels like it’s really being stretched to its maximum capacity, if I get to the end of this pregnancy without one single stretch mark it will be nothing short of a miracle
  • My back is an absolute killer especially when driving. I’m spending lots of time in the deepest, hottest bath I can tolerate but I’m also seeing my Doula Beccy ‘magic’ Hands for regular massages. She’s seriously the best in the biz check her out here  and yes Hands is her actual surname, amazing
  • My boobs resemble a road map with the veins that have sprung up in the past few weeks and I’m already noticing a few drops of colostrum on my pyjama top when I wake up in the morning. All good stuff for the bubbas I guess
  • My husband made me laugh so hard the other night I wet myself. Yup. First I thought my waters had broken but luckily it was just a sign that my pelvic floor has given up entirely on it’s main function, Tenna Lady anyone?
  • Iron is not my friend or my bowels friend for that matter. I’m taking Pregnacare and extra iron (a recommendation for twin pregnancies) but I’m seriously bunged up. Flax seeds are being sprinkled on just about anything I eat but nothing is really helping. And anyone who has experienced constipation when pregnant knows how awful it is. There’s nothing worse, and straining on the loo ain’t pretty, nuff said
  • I did do the unthinkable at the weekend and weighed myself which surprisingly wasn’t as horrifying as I imagined –  just short of a stone heavier than my usual weight which I guess is ok considering there’s 2 of everything in there (but I doubt I’ll weigh myself again, not even for lolz)

BUT on a positive note to end with, we had our first Hypnobirthing session last week with the incredible Hollie de Cruz. She is literally something else. I know I’ve banged on about the amazing tools hypnobirthing teaches women but SERIOUSLY after one session we both felt so calm and connected and learnt all about breathing. Yes breathing, the simple thing we do totally subconsciously but it’s so important for labour and birth.  And my slightly sceptical husband has totally taken it on board, he’s put my positive affirmations around the house and has been doing the breathing exercises with me before I go to sleep. We are hooked!

Disclaimer: Whilst I am a registered midwife, I do not endorse or promote any specific brand or product in a professional capacity. My opinions are my own and are based on my personal experiences as a woman and a mother.

Processed with VSCOcam with a5 preset

Mum’s the word

Me with my lovely Mum, for whom I am thankful for *not* telling me that my feet will get a whole shoe size bigger and other weird pregnancy related disorders.

It’s becoming a bit of a tradition in this family that Mother’s Day is always ruined one way or another. Last year my husband went out the night before and got so drunk he vomited all over the bathroom floor waking me up in the process. My one request of a lie in was obviously not met and to add insult to injury he took me to Nandos for lunch. I have never felt more humiliated in my entire life. Yesterday my 4 and 3 quarter year old (she’s so pleased she can now say that) came out from school with a bunch of daffs and a home-made card. ‘Open it Mummy read it NOW’ she protested, so I did the obligatory ‘Wow yes its beautiful darling thank you so much’ then I read the inside.

It’s not exactly ‘Thank you for being the best Mummy in the world’ but at least she is aware that the laundry fairy doesn’t do all the washing and ironing, unlike her father.

This year he is in the Philippines on a 9 day business trip, so I’m invading my poor Mother who lives by the sea, for some home comforts and the small chance of a lie-in. There are so many things that she has taught me, especially about being a mother, which I am thankful for. But there are certain things that just aren’t spoken about, because if they were, no one would give birth and the human race would die out, probably.

As a midwife when I was looking after women in labour, I would nod sympathetically as their contractions took hold of them, reassuring them of the pain they were experiencing ‘you can do this, this is normal labour’. But really I had no idea what that pain felt like, I hadn’t had babies then, in fact I had never experienced pain like it. But once the little two lines appeared on the stick and confirmed my first pregnancy, all these weird and wonderful things started happening to me both mentally and physically; which I really didn’t remember learning about during my midwifery lectures. To be honest if I knew half of these things were going to happen to me I probably wouldn’t have ever become a mother. (Sorry to those who haven’t given birth yet, it’s not that bad really). *pours another glass of wine*

  • In the first 3 months of pregnancy you are so constipated, that small bump is mainly full of poo. And no amount of prunes, apricots and Bran flakes will shift it. Things normally start ‘moving’ on by week 14.
  • Don’t attempt to look at your nether regions as your due date lingers. In fact best to lock the bathroom door when you shower, your partner has enough shocks to cope with in the weeks to come. Let’s just say your labia swells to something unrecognizable but don’t worry it does return to its normal state post birth.
  • You think when you’re pregnant and writing your birth plan that your dignity matters. It really doesn’t and to be honest you really don’t care who sees you starkers with your bum in the air mooing like a cow. I had both my babies in the hospital where I work, and I can still look the Consultant in the eye who broke my waters.
  • Night sweats, not just any sort of sweat. I’m talking about needing to sleep on a towel, changing your pyjamas, using a rag to mop and dry yourself during those first few weeks after your baby is born. It’s unbelievable how hormones can be responsible for pretty much everything.
  • Nappy brain actually exists. I once introduced my daughter as my little boy to the Health Visitor at the baby clinic – the baby was naked on the weighing scales at the time.
  • Hair loss. Oh my God this was so annoying (which resulted in me having a fringe). I felt smug with my thick luscious hair which grew during pregnancy but by the time my baby was 10 weeks old it all started to fall out. Mainly around the front of my hair-line but there was hair everywhere, even in my daughter’s nappy.
  • Nothing fills you with more joy then putting on your trackie bums, tucking into a box of chocolates and feeling sorry for anyone having to go out on a Friday night. That is unless, it’s your husband’s first night out since the baby was born and he stumbles in at 2 am and vomits all over the bathroom floor.