Mental Things You Do During The 3am Feed


Almost 2 weeks earth side and the babes are beginning to form some sort of feeding routine, which includes the much welcomed (!) 3am feed. Oh that delightful hour how I’ve missed thee. Once the babies are successfully on the boob I find myself reaching for my trusty friend, my phone to read anything to keep me awake for the next hour. So far these are the things I’ve found myself doing and thinking. Often mental but totally rational.

  • I usually mutter some swear words at my husband who despite the light being on and one or both babies yelling he manages to sleep through it all, always snoring
  • Going onto expensive beauty websites and buying excessively priced tinted moisturisers because all the 125 reviews say it the best tinted moisturiser they’ve ever used
  • Whilst on said website which charges an arm and a leg for p&p I find myself popping more products in the basket so I qualify for the free p&p (you have to spend over £100!)
  • I calculate that we don’t own enough white bed linen especially with the increased amount of milk, sweat and tears being absorbed in our bed so I order more bedding from a very well trusted department store. But read every single review first (hence needing a full hour) before finally opting for a 1000 thread count range, all in white of course
  • Next is bulk buying nappies and baby wipes and because we only have 58 nappies left in the house I sign up to the membership which means it will be delivered the next day. I order 4 boxes (200 nappies) and 20 packs of wet wipes. (I think this is when I’m getting really tired)
  • I read the entire section of UK Showbiz on DM online before realising that I have no idea who half the people are in this years Celebrity Big Brother
  • I Google ‘average temperature for the South of France in August’ because we booked a holiday back in December and on these grey January days I need something to look forward to
  • And then research how much a personal trainer would cost to get me into some acceptable shape to wear swimwear again
  • Other Google searches include; how long does it take for it all go back to normal down there, how does Courtney Adamo do it, and how much is does it cost to have fresh flowers delivered every week?
  • I attempt to write the last few chapters of my book (on my phone one handed) then give up and come up with a million blog posts I want to write but worry I’ll never have time
  • I try and do my pelvic floor exercises properly before realising the slumped in bed position probably isn’t great for achieving this
  • I read at least 3 different Making A Murderer theories and I’m still undecided, what about the vile of blood for gods sake!
  • I then download the Serial podcast again and start listening to episode one, before realising I’ve fallen asleep sitting up, neither baby is on the boob and it’s 4:30